By Andrea Wachter, LMFT
If you struggle with depression, you probably know how heavy it can feel, as if an invisible weight is pulling you down. One of the most painful ironies of depression is that it often drains people of the energy and motivation they need to take steps that might help them feel a little better.
If this sounds familiar to you, here are a few concepts to consider.
Self-Berating Is Not Motivating
People who suffer from depression tend to be highly self-critical. I’ve heard many clients and students use painfully unkind labels to describe themselves, like “failure,” “loser,” “lazy,” or “wallowing.”
If this rings true for, please hear this: You are not a failure. You’re hurting.
You are not a loser. You’re struggling. You are not lazy. You have unmet needs. You are not wallowing. You are suffering, and you need and deserve compassion and care.
All or Something
The voice of depression often speaks in all-or-nothing terms: “If you can’t do it all, why bother?” “If you can’t do it perfectly, don’t do it at all.” “If you’re still struggling after all this time, nothing you’ve done has helped.”
But that voice isn’t telling the truth, and it’s not helping. Even the smallest act of care counts and matters. Instead of aiming for everything, try aiming for something.
If you don’t have the energy to clean the whole kitchen, try washing one dish. If a full shower feels like too much, try rinsing your face. If going for a walk feels impossible, try stepping outside and taking a few deep breaths.
Something is something, and it’s an important start.
Create a Kind Ideas List
When someone is in the depths of depression, it can be difficult to think clearly or know what might help. One way to prepare for those moments is to create a list of comforting, kind, or uplifting activities ahead of time, so it’s ready when you need it.
These can be simple things, like listening to music or an encouraging podcast, watching a calming video, reading something inspiring, or making a warm cup of tea.
The goal isn’t productivity, it’s kindness. And that’s exactly what depression needs most.
Start Small
If you choose one thing from your list, you can try it for just a few minutes. No pressure to keep going or even finish it.
And if you do try something, even briefly, give yourself credit. Every step forward, no matter how small, is a sign of courage and self-care.
Even Thinking About It Counts
If your Kind Ideas List crosses your mind, but you don’t yet have the energy to take action, that still counts. Simply being aware of options and possibilities is a beginning, and awareness is what makes change possible.
One Thought at a Time
Even if it feels like you can’t get your body moving, you can still work with your thoughts.
Try finding one thought that’s contributing to depression, and see if you can gently shift it to a thought that feels better (or even slightly better, or less bad) than the one that’s been on repeat.
This isn’t about being fake, overly positive, or pretending that everything’s fine. It’s about being less cruel to yourself, which is profoundly important and paves the way for transformation.
Listen for the Voice of Compassion
Oftentimes, when someone is struggling with depression, the thoughts that feed their low state are harsh, but here’s the truth: even if your depressive thoughts feel true, it doesn’t mean they are true.
The voice of depression often speaks in an unkind, convincing manner. But the voice of truth is compassionate. The voice of truth may be quieter and harder to hear if you’re not used to it, but it speaks with gentleness, patience, and hope. Learning to listen for that voice—even just a little—can be a powerful step toward healing.
Message Your Future Self
Try writing a short note or recording a voice message for the depressed part of you to read or hear when it’s needed.
It could be a reminder you think you might need, something you wish someone would say to you, or even something you to hope to believe someday.
Even if the words don’t feel true right now, or if you’re not ready to turn to the message yet, it will be there when you are.
Give Yourself Time
Healing isn’t a straight line, and it doesn’t happen all at once. Small steps matter, and they really make a difference, especially when they’re taken with self-compassion.
Try to be gentle and patient with yourself. The more deeply we struggle, the more kindness we need.
Stay Open to Connection
Depression can convince you that no one understands, or that it’s safer to just stay quiet. But connection, even in the smallest form, can begin to loosen depression’s grip.
Let someone supportive know you’re struggling. Let someone know what you need (if you get clear about a need). You’re not meant to do this alone, and you don’t have to.